re:set

Whoa nelly, am I deep in the whirling vortex that is self-criticism and self-doubt right now. I’m not sure when or how it started creeping back in (it does every so often) but the force is strong this time. That awful little voice inside has been telling me that I can’t do anything right, that nothing is perfect so why bother trying, that I have so much to do and take care of and cross off my list before I can even begin to play and have fun with my dreams, and I haven’t done nearly enough and can’t seem to focus on accomplishing even tiny tasks that need completing, so best to throw up my hands in surrender and do nothing.

Even writing this at this very moment, I am overcome with the realization of how terribly hard I am on myself. It’s so difficult to muster up the strength to fight that unkind voice sometimes. There are times, like today, when it feels like the only real thing I could, and should, do is to crawl back under the covers and force-feed my brain endless TV episodes so I can quiet all those harsh thoughts. The thing is, I know they aren’t coming from the real me, the soul. They are coming from this fearful part that exists alongside me that hasn’t learned to listen, only to yell out its pain until it drowns out everything else.

Heavy stuff, I know. The thing is, I’m pretty sure most of us deal with these sorts of thoughts and feelings every so often, maybe even on a regular or daily basis. When these dark internal clouds pass by, we have to work a little harder to take care of ourselves during these times. These are some of the things I try to do:

  • Talk to my therapist for some objective, professional help and insight

  • Reach out to trusted friends who will hold space for me to feel these feelings and offer up words of comfort and prayers

  • Move my body: a slow walk, a calming yoga video, or a few deep breaths and stretches

  • Turn away from the digital world, which for me means taking an Instagram detox (deleting app from my phone) and reading a book instead of zoning out with TV

  • Prepare a meal in my kitchen, sometimes healthy and filling and comforting

  • Clean — wash dishes, tidy up, or rearrange things, all of which help me to feel a bit more calm

There’s not really one “fix” for when this period of doubt and fear and sadness strikes, but I know I can always turn to one or all of the above methods to help me slow down, breathe deeply, and wait for the storms to pass. The biggest thing for me is writing or speaking these feelings to get them out into the light, to remind myself that they aren’t as scary, or as isolating, as they might seem. Asking for help, asking for what I need, and giving myself time is often the best medicine.

8/8

I feel called to write something tonight on this auspicious eighth day of the eighth month of the year! I was born on the eighth (of another month) and have always felt a special connection to the number, particularly because it also serves as the infinity symbol. I love doodling 8's and actually wanted my wedding date this year to be 08.18.18 because of all the 8's but I was veto'd, which is totally OK because when it's this hot all I end up wanting to wear in the way of clothes is basically nothing, so a long white dress in 91 degrees wouldn't have been ideal.

Anyway!

Apparently this is a very potent day in the universe and there's something called the Lionsgate Portal, which I hadn't heard of until a week or so ago, but I read up on it as part of my new daily ritual of reading the goings-on of the cosmos and I even did a little ritual tonight to welcome in restorative and loving divine energy. I don't have all the answers and sometimes I can't tell if something I try "works" but what I do know is that this ritual involved me sitting in meditation for 10 or so minutes and I felt deeply at peace and connected to something greater than my self. It was beautiful and I continue to welcome in all this loving energy.

Another cool thing I did (if you're into cool things) is made a delicious smoothie bowl for dinner tonight. I know, kind of an odd dinner choice, but it's VERY hot tonight and even hotter in my apartment that's been baking in the sun all day, and so I decided to cool down with a light combo of ingredients that included dairy-free cashew(!) yogurt, organic peanut butter, fresh blueberries & raspberries, chia seeds, hemp seeds, cacao nibs, ground flaxseed meal, and a dash of cinnamon. It was truly delightful and turned out to be a wonderful way to end this wonderful day.

 

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Tarot Reading: August 1, 2018

The first of the month is a new beginning, a time to call in refreshing new energy for the weeks ahead and find places within ourselves to shift and grow. 

Lately I have felt called to work on creative projects that have been gathering mind-dust and finally bring them into fruition. I have the ideas, but I sometimes get lost knowing where or how to start.

I often turn to The Wild Unknown Tarot deck to seek guidance and hone my intuition, which I think is a necessary component of creativity. Learning to listen and trust your own internal compass is what helps you set aside Fear and move forward on your path.

This morning, I asked for guidance as we move into harvest time. Seeds have already been planted, but there is more work yet to be done. What's the message for the month of August?

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Daughter of Cups

The suit of Cups deals with the emotional realm and themes of connection, dreams, and following your heart. The Daughter of Cups is a creative and emotional being, a natural dreamer, and a true optimist. This gentle creature glides upon the water with ease and grace; there's no forcing or controlling things here. Instead, she embodies a calmness and clarity that helps her see inspiration all around, and maintain a clear and steady relationship with intuition. 

In more traditional Tarot decks, this card would be represented by the Page of Cups, a card that represents new beginnings (how timely!) and imagination. The Page can often serve as a messenger, reminding us to keep an eye out for new ideas on the horizon.


What dreams, ideas, or imaginings can you bring to life this month? How might you embody the qualities of the Daughter of Cups and tap into your intuition?

Happy August! xo